jd yates

I had Thanksgiving lunch with some friends of my family because my parents are out of town (little brother’s soccer tournament(not bitter about that at all…)). The food was great, the company was great, the football was average, but we wont talk about that, however the significance of my lunch plans pales in comparison to that of the fiasco that occured shortly thereafter…

My mom and aunt have matching dogs (isnt that adorable…), both white puffballs of hair that never ceases to fall out. Because of my aunts honeymoon this week, my mom had both of them, but now that she was leaving town they had to find their way back to my aunts house. Of course I’m the first logical choice for hauling these dogs from one end of Dallas to another, why I’m not sure. After doing so, I left them in the car to go in and make sure the alarm got turned off (my aunt returns from her honeymoon later tonight). In that 30 seconds that the two little shits were left in my car, they got so excited about getting out that their pawing on the window somehow managed to lock the doors to my still running vehicle. I walk out to find them both grinning at me like I’m about to save their lives and realize that I have absolutley NO way of getting in my car! I”M SCREWED!!! My mom is gone, my aunt is gone, my roomate is gone, etc… Lucky for me, i found the keys to my new uncles brand new Land Rover *immediatley wipes mischevious grin off face* and hauled ass to my house (while calling my roomate to find out where he’d hidden my spare set of keys). I pull up to my still running car (25 mintues later), and the still pawing-at-the-windows dogs, hoping against hope that they havent shit in my car yet. Again, luck prevailed, my car was still clean and i left the little nuisances to go shit on something expensive in the house.

That is the story of my horrendous evening… I’m home now, with a headache in the back of my eye sockets (if youve never had one, theyre extraordinarily painful).

This is me….signing off to go eat leftover turkey in front of the television…with a side of as much painkiller as i can find. Hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Mine was wonderful, aside from the minor fiasco i ended the day with. Good night.

There’s something absolutely fabulous about exclusivity among the dallas gay scene. I’m not sure if its the fact that it allows you to pick and choose your every association, thus weeding out the drama queens, sluts, and otherwise un-noteworthy fags, or simply that it affirms your own personal knowledge that you ARE in some way better than 99.9% of the gay population (something not easy in a city full of “leased BMW’s and credit card millionaires”). This may all sound very snobby, but it’s not meant to, there’s just some real trash running around this town and recognizing it isnt always as easy as it sounds.

In the past few days, a couple of good friends of mine took it upon themselves to make public what we already know to be truth: that there are some of us very simply NOT LIKE THE REST. To that end, they created a private website, accessible only by invitation. It allows all the members to communicate, share photos, remember events and birthdays, and I’m sure eventually, to coordinate outfits. Since its however recent inseption, it has helped me make several new friends, and consistently given me something to laugh at. good times! I have been instructed (during my short stint at the village tonight, and by a drunk ryan, no less) that my involvment so far has been sub-par, and that i therefore must begin immediatley throwing in my opinions and any witty statements that might come along with for an entire group of people, most of whom i dont know, to read. While this sounds a little intimidating, its kind of loses its bite when compared to what im writing now.

With Thanksgiving coming up, I am confronted with the reality that the holidays are here. Ive spent the last 3 weeks running away from every grocery store and coffee shop playing festive holiday music, so you can understand how this comes and something of a shock. While the holidays are known to bring good things like parties and lots of good food, they’re also known to bring bad things, like gift buying, over zealous decoration, and crowds EVERYWHERE!! One thing i do look forward to is my first Christmas in uptown, a little snow on my balcony, using my fireplace ALOT, and driving through Highland Park to look at Christmas lights. However, its difficult to weigh these things against all the negatives with any definitive answer, so to anyone that asks whether or not I’m looking forward to the holidays, my response will be “Decidedly not.”

I’m covering a lot of topics tonight, feeling a bit scattered, just keep reading.

I mentioned in my last entry that there was something else i wanted to write about, but never got around to doing it, so here it is.

Almost a week later, I’m still analyzing the emotional affect of giving my aunt away to be married. I’ve been very unsure how i felt about it, and after much deliberation, am no closer to an answer. The whole thing is very weird to me, logically it makes sense (she has no father to give her away and i guess that puts me next in line), but I never saw it coming. My relationship with her over the last few years has been very off and on. She’s a bitch, flat out, shes rude, obnoxious, and confrontational, but I’m at least somewhat obligated to love her, no matter how much hell she puts me through (she was mostly responsible for outting me). Aside from the fact that I’m not at all sure that I like her as a person, I never thought I’d see the day that she finally got married. Im not gonna mention any number, but lets just say that her biological clock has been ticking for several years now, I didnt think it would ever happen. Another good point in reference to my shifty stance on this issue, is that the whole thing happened so fast. I mean yeah, she dated the guy for over a year, but the wedding was put together in a matter of three weeks, so I never really had time to take the whole thing in before it was happening. It seems kind of selfish for me to be so deeply considering my feelings when talking about HER special day, but didnt and still dont know what to think. I suppose the best reason to do it was that I may never get the chance again, and that i should feel honored that she chose me to be part of something that means alot to her. If i can really appreciate those things, the other stuff just doesnt matter much anymore. The moral of the story, is find the things in your life that really matter and hold them above all else, especially in matters of love.

Thats my entry for tonight, I’ve got a Thanksgiving lunch to go to in the morning, so I’m off to bed with a quickness. Good Night all, and have a wonderful holiday! (no matter how much I’m gonna hate it!)

JD

Cameron: you need some ease in your life for once. everything is always pushing against you. for as much of a job as you do keeping your balance…i just wish it were easier.

I started to write this next sentence with the word day in mind, then changed it to week then to month, and finally to year.

I can’t help but feel like this this year has been so difficult because some higher power is staring down on me and laughing at my misfortune. I’m haunted by the thought that no matter what i set out to do, there will always be someone or something waiting a little way down the path to stop me. Its very easy to personify this feeling, and say that someone is always working against me, but I’m more convinced (and hopeful) that it’s me working against myself. Not that I intentionally mean for everything to go wrong, and hope to encounter so much hardship, but that it must have something to do with my attitudes, on a day-to-day level. All this is about to change.

Have been SOO busy the past couple of days! What follows is a brief description of how the last 24 hours have increased my stress level exponentially:

last night – 10:00pm-5:30am – Great party with some very cool people. Drank considerably more than next day’s schedule allowed for….then drank more.
6am-10am – Sleep
this morning – 10am-12:00pm – *hungover* Drive home from Egypt (i mean Plano), shower and change in 13 minutes (counting blow drying hair), *a feat not for the faint of heart*. Pickup catered lunch for 40 and deliver to favorite and only aunt in preparation for her wedding.
12:30pm-1:30pm – lunch with best str8 friend who has been somewhat neglected and even more neglectful lately.
1:30pm-2pm – get suit together and report back at aunt’s house for pre-wedding photography *still hungover*.
2pm-4pm – Mimosas, getting dressed, checking hair no less than 14 times, wringing hands relentlessly, shaking, flat-iron hair for fifth time (just to be sure), wring hands, mimosas…again, *not so much hungover anymore* VERY NERVOUS.
4pm-10pm – Give away favorite and only aunt to most fantastic guy. Ball like a big gay baby. Drink many glasses of champagne at reception.
10:30pm – arrive home, still hungover, slightly buzzed, totally floored that i just married my aunt off, feet hurting from standing for last 9 hours solid, and all on 4 hours sleep. EXHAUSTION!

Im gonna go ahead and post this entry simply because i feel compelled to write about a completely unrelated topic…not that i couldnt put it in this one, but it seems like there should be some seperation. kind of like a great big ” . (period)”

If your reading this, then your aware of the move to livejournal. I figured “everybody else is doing it, why shouldn’t I?” Actually, there is a greater motive in making the move. I felt like the collection of entries on diaryland had begun to stagnate. I was horrible about keeping up to date, and the format was needless to say, less than appealing. Which brings me to the new direction I want to go with this. I feel like a livejournal is one of the best (albeit most public) ways to voice the side of myself that I all too often hide from the masses at large. I honestly think that making a habit of using this forum to vent all my inner frustrations, happiness’s, angers, joys, thoughts, etc… can only help me deal with these things, and is the healthiest (and most drugless) way to stay out of a psychiatrists chair. So here it begins… this is my best effort at A Fresh New Start! and with it, hopefully a fresh new perspective on my life, and the people and events therein.

I have so many things to talk about, that i’m not sure where to start. Part of me feels like if I want to keep any readers, I should limit myself to interesting topics (that narrows it down a lot, as far as I’m concerned), but the other part of me feels like that wouldn’t be doing this medium justice, nor would it be serving the purpose I’ve set out for it, and that anyone who really wants to know me will read this regardless of its day-to-day interest but for its deeper insights.

After staring at this unfinished entry for about an hour feeling a complete lack of inspiration, going to starbucks to get the creative juices flowing, and sitting back down to it, it took another half hour and talking to a few friends for the inspiration to finish this entry:

Chris: what’s the topic
Oxfordboi983: a fresh new start
Chris: from what?
Oxfordboi983: i’m feeling very “out with the old, in with the new”
Oxfordboi983: I feel like too many aspects of my life have been allowed to stagnate and that they require my attention and a drastic revitalization
Chris: oh ok
Chris: interesting
Oxfordboi983: i’ve decided to talk about my experience making so many new friends lately and how that’s helped me to realize all this

While most every aspect of my life has been in a steep dive lately, I can easily say that I am socially right where I want to be. This is due, in whole, to an incredible group of people that I have come to know over the past few weeks. As a group, they are uplifting, fun, a little quirky at times, but always enjoyable. There are so many new faces, that’s its hard to keep all the names straight. I’ve never met a less drama filled group of friends than these, and that is a huge attractor for me…. a refuge among gay Dallas life. I was once duped into believing that Croy was the center of the known universe, i’ve since been corrected… I now know that Chris and Zach coexist as the centers of the universe. They’re this great couple that have been together forever and host a function for every occasion (and sometimes even a non-occasion). Not only do they stand as a model for every gay couple to live by, but they know EVERYONE of A-list caliber (and a few that aren’t quite). Zach is a classic shop-aholic, and one laugh after another…. while Chris is much more laid back, and so easy to talk to, it should be outlawed. They complement each other perfectly. Caleb has been the light of my life lately…. it doesn’t matter what we’re doing, but I always walk away feeling more positive than I did before. He has the greatest outlook on life, no matter what, he can find the positive light in any situation… Its friends like him that make life bearable. I could go on all night about all the incredible people i’ve met, but these are just the ones that have had the most impact on me so far, and had such a hand in the way I feel about a lot of things now. Most notably, my new outlook on life. Surrounding myself with people like these, I know will only make me a better person myself, and help me to see all my endeavors to fruition. They’ve helped me lift a weight off my shoulders so heavy that I cant remember what every day feels like without it. Thank you everyone, you know who you are.

Well, I think i’ve found enough profound meaning in tonight’s entry to make up for all the entries i’ve gone without writing. Its time for me to be off to bed now. I’m making a promise to myself, at this very moment, to be faithful to my goals, and to keep this journal ongoing, as a lasting message to help me carry on and look up when I need it most. Goodnight….. until tomorrow!