jd yates

Here are weeks 19 and 20 of Nick’s If… Project. I clearly had no idea what I was getting into when I signed up for this… but it certainly has proven interesting. This weeks questions are some of the best so far.

If your home were to be totally destroyed by fire but you could save just one thing, what would it be?

This answer will undoubtedly come off as extremely materialistic, because most of my friends are familiar with my complete and utter lack of sentimentality. For that reason, few objects carry enough emotional value to outweigh my digital property and my ability to access it. Therefore, Gabriel, my new MacBook Pro, is the only logical choice. He’s not only beautiful, but doesn’t mind that I’m totally co-dependent. He carries the vast majority of things that I love (photos, music, etc..) and keeps me in touch with the most important people in my life, so even without any of my other possessions, I’d be covered. The only thing I might cry about losing is my BlackBerry Bold, but since it’s usually on my person, we’ll pretend it doesn’t count. Other than that, my awesome tailored chalk-stripe topcoat… Yes, a coat. *sob*.

MacBook Pro

If you were to have your friends, in private, attribute a single quality to you, what would you want it to be?

That’s a great question, maybe my favorite so far, and extremely difficult to answer… I would hope my friends would say that I’m giving. I’ve always felt that you’ll get out of life whatever you put into it, and to that end I try to be the best friend that I can. Sometimes that means that I get spread a little thin, but I like to think that I’m generally there for people when they need me, to do whatever it is I can to help.

If you had to kill someone you know, who would it be, and how would you do it?

Assuming some freak “Saw”-esque scenario where I had no alternative but to take a life, I suppose I’d choose… nope, nevermind. Can’t answer this. I’ve thought and thought about it, and there’s now way whoever I choose wouldn’t find out and most certainly get offended. I don’t abstain from If… questions very often, but I’m taking a bye on this one.

If a photograph of one part of your body were to be used in an advertisement, which part would you want to be used, and for what product or service?

My stomach, because it’s the only part of myself I would think is even remotely enviable or attractive. And designer denim, because of the fabulous free swag.

..:: Week 20 ::..

If you could bring back any past leader of your country to run the country again, who would you want?

I’m torn between Clinton and Reagan, mostly on economic grounds. Clinton probably wins on foreign policy. Also, who wouldn’t call fellatio at the workplace a job well done?

If you could own any building in existence, which would you pick?

Easy. Burj Dubai. At its current heigh of just over 700 meters, it’s already taller than the Sears Tower. When it’s completed in September of next year it will be the tallest building in the world, with 160+ floors and standing over 800 meters tall (nearly 2700 ft.). Also, it helps that I’d have 3.6 million square feet of space to lease out, with a current market value between $3500 and $4000 a foot. You do the math. What can I say? If I’m gonna do something, I do it big.

If you could choose exactly what you will eat and drink for your last meal before death, what would the menu consist of?

This is my completely anti-Nick answer. A Kobe filet with bernaise sauce and mashed potatoes with gravy, a sliced turkey breast, Thanksgiving style, with stuffing, tomato tenderloin soup, caesar salad with extra dressing, and a hundred year old Lafite bordeaux. Mmmmm….

If you could own any one existing sculpture from anywhere in the world, but not the right to sell it, which one would you want?

Man Enters the Cosmos by Henry Moore.

I had a dream a few nights ago, and though I don’t frequently remember my dreams, this one stands out vividly because I awoke from it very disturbed. There was more too it than this little excerpt, and the details become more fuzzy as the days go by, but the part that I remember best is sitting in a packed church. Pew after pew filled with people, so close and so tight that I felt like I couldn’t breath, much less get out. Normally I wouldn’t see a lot of symbolism in this, except that this wasn’t your run of the mill service. The preacher was literally screaming his sermon, all the while both he and the crowd were engaged in these elaborate and dramatic hand gestures that corresponded to what was being said. The whole crowd was synchronously waving their hands and banging angry fists on the pew in front of them. I remember being scared by the unfamiliarity, the mob mentality of it all, and most of all frightened that soon everyone would notice that I wasn’t on board. So I instinctively fought for the door, jumping over people and pews the whole way. I’m pretty sure I woke up before my actual escape, which is probably why I carried the terror with me.

On the heels of barely imaginable discrimination like Prop 8 in California and Initiated Act 1 in Arkansas, I’ve become fixated on how disappointing it is that the religious right can so adeptly influence our nation’s moral compass. This dream, to me, perfectly symbolizes the sort of religious zealotry that seeks to legislate our ideals for us. Blind, dogmatic, bigotry perpetuated by jackals in Armani suits, flailing about, sensationalizing what was meant to be a message of peace and love, and warping into hateful fear-mongering. Throngs of people going eternally through the motions, more literally than figuratively, more physically than spiritually, laboring under a mass delusion, hoping that their exclusivity will guarantee their absolution.

Though many people have found reason to be happy about the state of the country since Tuesday, I’m overwhelmingly saddened. And though none of the resolutions voted into law that day directly affect me, especially since gay marriage is already forbidden in Texas, I still feel like I woke up Wednesday morning with fewer rights than I had the day before… and certainly with less chance of getting them back in my lifetime. Perhaps the most disappointing part is that big religion doesn’t represent a majority of people, most that I talk to are reasonably socially liberal, but somehow they still manage to swing enough undecideds, usually through fear and deception, to err on the side of restricting the rights of others rather than truly attempt to see outside their narrow world-view and deeply consider an issue that doesn’t necessarily directly affect them or anyone they know.

I can only hope that as my generation takes power, some of the wrongs committed this year can be righted. Until then, I’m gonna go ahead and start marching to the Supreme Court… it’s a long way.

Time to play a little more catch-up. Having fulfilled my civic duty today, here’s weeks 17 and 18 of Nick’s If… Project. Once again, I encourage you to check out my good friend LawHog, who’s also participating in our little project. Enjoy.

If you had to spend one year alone in the wilderness, where would you go?

Some obscure tiny island off the coast of Thailand. An abundance of resources and fresh water, and a minimum of deadly creatures that would bite, impale, and/or otherwise eviscerate me are as motivating as the fabulous climate and beautiful water.

If you had to work in one type of factory for the remainder of your days but could choose which kind, what would you pick?

Despite the temptation to choose a factory that produces something yummy/alcoholic, I think I’m bound to choose something that gets me lots of free things I would use. In which case, I choose the Apple factory. Natch. Shanghai, here I come.

If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be?

I’ve always been obsessed with the ability to fly, as anyone who’s seen my AIM buddy icon can confirm. Also, telepathy and telekinesis sit pretty high on the list.

If you had to paint your entire home, inside and out, one single color other than white, what color would you pick?

Some soothing hue of blue, undoubtedly. This may, ultimately, not be far from the case.

..:: Week 18 ::..

If you could have any single writer from history write your biography, who would it be?

Winston Churchill, I think, is a man that could accurately portray me with appropriate verbosity and liberal servings of dry English humour. “Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.”. ‘Nuff said.

If you could have one current writer write your biography, who would you pick?

Aaron Sorkin. With things like The West Wing and Charlie Wilson’s War on his resume and a penchant for making people appear quick witted and intelligent, I think he’s perfectly suited to write a book about me… that people might actually read, though completely inaccurate.

If you could forever eliminate one specific type of prejudice from the Earth, which would it be?

Religious Intolerance. Wars in the name of this or that religious figure, artifact, location, belief, etc… got old some time after the last crusade.

If you could transport everyone you are with at this moment to another place, where would you all go?

Tahiti. I think everyone in this freezing Starbucks would appreciate a little tropical vacay. I’d transport the whole place, Jumper style.